|* negleted wisdom *| memories

on the horns of dilamma

2006-02-13T05:47:00.000-08:00

haix. tml valentines, mel is kinda celebrating her bdae and i gotta go for some dance thingy. plus sch ends at 3!!!i have to go for my dance but i can't jux pass my best fren bdae... and what abt my valentine? haix. test tml somemore. what is this manx... feeling kinda lost. dunno leh. i had an empty feeling at one pt of the day. heyz. my valentine got a new haircut. for the first time, i find him looking young. haha. serious. u all ought to meet him manx. but erhm it may not be what i want u to see. haha.

a new year. haha.

2006-02-01T03:09:00.000-08:00

heys. haha. it's a new year. wah. today damn sian lah. physics test... difficult manz. very very difficult. maybe it's i din study properly bahz. lolx. but what to do. cny lor. need to celebrate one lah. irritated. hee. saw someone today worx. in fact, i saw the person last fri and... err... after my cca. haha. *knock me on the head bahz. lolx* wah... nice view. haha. well... for those who are wondering anything at all. my final answer will still be the one 3 yrs ago. haha. cant wait for sat too. going out wearing my new dress. yea. hahax.

sob

2005-10-28T18:49:00.000-07:00

well. finally got first. of cuz a year of struggle lah.wah. bloody tired siah. haiz. wanted to share the joy with him de lor. but. of cuz. the expected didn't happen frm this tone. i guess it's has to be like that bah. when i was in sec 1, i found no one to celebrate it with me. when on sec 2, there were my friends to celebrate it with me. now having back the acheivement, i went home and eat cup noodles. no joy. no fun.no cookies that i wanted.and it almost rained. how great. i understand that he need to study. but it's not as if i'll keep him long. i justed wanted to share it with him. anw. it's ok. i'm used to confide to me, myself and i. it's not that miie frenz weren't there, but they're busy packing. i don't blame them. also not a lot of ways to celebrate. so what shld i expect? chey. talk so much, make one round and go back to square one.

Missing fun laughter peace and joy

2005-03-24T17:33:00.000-08:00

lame title, lolz, but... nothing can come into my head le... cannot be so cliche... haha.. new word learnt frm serena. stubby fingers, frm vanessa. lolz. this week in sch quite relaxed lah... maybe a bit siao but then it is only temporary lor. nxt week have 3 tests liaoz... sianz manz... but hack care lah... well... met eunice during the hols. haha. sorta miss her, still the same, looked more cheerful. as for me and my dear, well, ..... haha. guess it. :P heard the lastest rumour in sch, somebody got possessed. is it true? beta believe then not bah... spread very quickly lor, knew abt it yesterday but today everyone was talking abt it. another rumour, ms ong fought with someone, a student i guess. it's a guy bahz... weird. but rumours only, so not 100% true lah... tired tired tired...

a day at home...

2005-03-12T11:15:00.000-08:00

haiz... feelin so down... feel like a changed person.... what changed? i dunno... 1 term has passed... stilll unsure of myself... i need help... mental help will be the best i think... psyhco me then won't feel anything... haiz... what's wrong...

yeah!

2005-03-11T11:27:00.000-08:00

Finally!!! it's the hols!!! been waiting lor... this year suckz can... so stressed... maybe i'm the one giving too much stress to myself... and it doesn't help when my dad kept saying i'm stupid and lazy! din do well for the term, dun even know how to give my parents see the results... maybe i should take things easy... maybe i should go back to punching the wall? haha. dun want, ltr my hand not nice... have wedding ring on it will also look not nice. lolx. guess wad? my hols.... i only have monday to have fun! other days have practice, lesssons, workshop.... haiz.... went to johannes's concert yesterday. haha, he was the conductor worx!!! haha, when he came out, i got a shock of my life... he looked like a tree while conducting alright. lolx. then he look nice in the outfit lor... ( looked a bit like mr bean from the back. :P) then the heels were hurting!!! but then, feeling taller was great manz. haha. dun need to look up to look at him. juz turn my head can liao. ya lah, can u imagine how high the heels was? dun even know who invented heels, it's a torture. but i guess gals like being tortured, the sales of heels is good. well, yesterday was fun lah. haha.

i dun like sch...

2005-02-12T11:19:00.000-08:00

haiz.... getting tired of sch life.... feel like i'm drifting apart frm my gang... mel, kw, hl different clz le... not sitting wif mich and chen in clz... haiz.. sometimes.... i wonder what had happened... everyone seem so busy... after sch have activities and eveything else... missed the fun and laughter... getting so damn stressed up... feel so alone at times... can't go troubling him too... impt year for him... sick n tired... breaking down... all was an act... deep down wasn't any laughter or jokes... the feeling when i was in sec1 came back to haunt me again... unsure of myself... my friends... my abilities... what's this... confused...

unfair life...

2005-01-27T01:52:00.000-08:00

what can i say... not in a very good mood today...the answer was there, not good liers... haiz... like what i say... have to face reality but dun wish to know the truth... why... i lost to the battle... stressed up manz... my clz... stressful... tests, see eveyone's marks... feel very shi bai lor... short-tempered these days... heard and saw 3 unity's clz... best lor... there was fun and laughter, unlike our clz... questions, question and more questions... and it's not me anymore horz...

always like tt!!!

2004-12-03T19:51:00.000-08:00

**** lah... it's like i went to stay at my aunt's place for a few days... then she go and see my diary lor... at least she saw the photos inside lor.... stupid lah... can't stand it... i'm a person who likes privacy one lor.... then she keep wanting me to stay at her house lor... it's like no privacy, no freedom, no nothing. hate tt lor... and she keep insisting lor... I DUN WANT! attended the workshop about understanding ppl, now i get it, why teenagers turns to their frens instead of family. because adults just dun understand. the dun understand the troubles we go thru, dun understand tt feelings can't be controlled. tt's why i prefer not to tell them ANYTHING! i know sometimes they are worried lah... but this is always the reason they use.

interesting weekend

2004-11-28T18:01:00.000-08:00

well... yesterday whole day shop with my dad... woah... old man really old... he said wanted to exercise, so take MRT. then from my house work until the front gate already complain tired liao... -_-" went to quite a few places to look for his track suit... haiz... go there go here all the same one lor... then hor... at the last shop we went to, he decided to buy the one tt he first saw... . . . then when he want to pay money tt time, he change his mind again... yupx, tt's my dad... then he pass me some plastic to wrap my books... haha... then he rushed off cuz he late for his thing liao... stupid mad movement... also saw quite a few clothes lah... tempted to buy manz... for him :p. then will look shuai mahz... hee, nvm, i starting to dream again... haha. after all tt, went to cut my hair... i tt time cut myself lor... haha, now it looks better... went to check my eyes today... increase lor.. haiz... getting blind le...

reflecting the year

2004-11-14T00:10:00.000-08:00

haha, this year quite interesting bah... living like a normal person again. tt's what i feel lah, unlike last year, life is so... according to 'time-table'? lolz, something like tt de lah... there's was no life. yup, many things happened this year. interesting, some happy, some sad, some contented, some disappointed. but then for 1 very sure thing, the 7 of us really became closer. haha. able to forgive and forget too. experienced failure and success. knew the differences. maybe changed, ya, shld be. maybe more out-spoken, more out-going, more... social? haha. maybe also more stupid. according to luo er is i eat my meals faster. -_-" haha.

haiz... although i've become closer with the gang, i felt something was missing lor.... the friendship between me and chuan lian bah... not say it went bad lah... it's just tt i think we have drift apart lor... maybe we have nothing in common to talk about bah... usually we would talk about him. and she would stand up for me if he says or do anything tt she dun think it's right. and she was always there to listen to my troubles and worries. and she knew what i was thinking and how i felt, even though i did not show anything. we had fun together, having her accompany was great, look up to her. haiz... miss the times having fun with her, especially during the NDP. felt tt i found someone special. haha. but now... i dunno... dun really like this feeling lor... have nothing to talk about when we meet each other... even if we did talk, it would only be a short while or it was a boring conservation. maybe it's the changes in us tt caused this bah... she was a choir-committed person lor, unlike me, scared and afraid of choir, frankly speaking. haiz...

maybe i'm not suited for choir bah... everytime i go for the practice, i feel the pressure lor... the room was a cold place , didn't have much fun lor... sometimes felt like crying on the spot there lor... i dunno why lah but then it's like so scary lor, like one place where there's no one there to guide u like tt lor... have been trying to improve in this area, but then it seems useless... haiz... been practicing at home too, not only when the auditions are near but also when i felt tt there was a need to lah. haha, maybe i was wrong to join this cca bah...

as for dance... haha, felt weird when hing boon was teaching the 3 of us in the beginning. not used to a guy bah... somemore he looks kinda weird??? haha. feirce also lah and super sarcastic. but then he is really nice sometimes lor... then the group tried different things this year bah, got into modern dance, not used to it but i like the graceful movements. haha. and the warm-ups brings back painful memories, literally. the HIHS concert was fun lah, sort of brought everyone together. knew some wushu ppl along the way too. haha. dancing with mdm ee was funny, her face always red de... haha. miss the previous dance.. with yik phin, xian yi and amanda. like them lots lor... really hope to perform an item with them again.

well, i guess tt's it. hmm... my conclusion, like what i always believe and what he always sae, let nature takes it's course. haha. tt's the piece of advice i'm giving especially to my pals... the 7 of them, it may help in the future. haha.

in the state of confusion...

2004-10-26T23:26:00.000-07:00

here i am... in the state of confusion... not long ago i was blogging ant how happy i was bah... now... change really fast... someone asked if he liked me... replied saying that he like lots of ppl... gals rather... asked him is it ttrue, he said he dunno... that, is enough to confuse me... having mix feelings... why? after so much, this is the answer? really hurts lor... sensitive to this kind of things... haiz... means a lot to me... i dunno... feeling confuse now... dun even know what to write... shld write or not also dunno... haiz... dunno... now i know how much this word can hurt... can't i have a definite answer for this question? or maybe i dun want to know the answer... why? frankly speaking, i have a lot of questions... maybe some are recthorical... i need answers to those questions... i'm confused... or maybe i was confuse in the beginning... i dunno... sometimes, looking at others, some guys would do everything for the gal, make me want to be them... but i dun ask for that much, juz contented with everything... like the way he is... never thought myself to pei de qi him... really... haiz... dun want dunno as the answer... if he really does, why can't he juz answer? really need guidance... didn't ask for one... never really dared... still believe in the thing he said, to let nature take it's course... really confuse now... happened countless times... feels scary to be in a lost and confuse state...

simple but big

2004-10-26T20:30:00.000-07:00

haha.. really, simple words can make a big difference. haha... think tt this is the first happy entry i'm making. in sch a bit scary lor... dun want anybody to tell me anything abt results... scared... haha... dun want to know anything... after sch went to eat, mel, hl and er. see so many ppl studying... stupid lor... then saw hui si passing sth to him... haha, knew abt it earlier lah... but never expect to see them.. yup.. then walk around again... luo er still looking for earrings... dunno why, tt's the only thing she look for when i go out with her. haha. then later go with him to hougang mall see comics. in the end go popular buy his chi storybook lor. then shun bian buy san zi jing. never read it before. haha. childish :p. then he also buy file... in the end, da bao xiao bao de... haha. then dunno why, when he go down the MRT, say bye mah, dunno why i laugh lah... haha. then saw his msg ltr. saying tt he like so long never see me smile until like tt. haha, then i smiled more when i saw it. dunno leh, juz made me happy. haha. really meh? i so long never happy liao mah? haha.

boring lor..

2004-10-23T06:43:00.000-07:00

sianz man... choir... heard have another audition.... shit manz, sure fail de lor... haiz.. somehow think tt the conductor have bian jian bah... haha... maybe tt's the reason i dun really like her... haha. sounds like attitude prob lor... dun really like to dislike her but maybe of some weird, unexplained feeling inside of me bah... yup... waited for him again.... haiz... as usual, accompanied ms yee lor... dun think he even notice me waiting for him outside the general office for like 1 hour? then go find melissa, mich, rachel and one more band member walk walk lor... as in follow them go bus stop to kill time.... they got up the bus liao, he still talking to the conductor lor... haiz... then walked around the viod decks lor... though quiet and dark at some places... not scared leh... maybe becuz of what i'm feeling? haha.... then like maybe 1/2 hour ltr then he finally talk finish lor... went to hougang mall have lunch... actually say want to go walk walk de... but then see like so late, so decided to go home lor... haiz... stupid lor... waited so long to go out with him de lor... then so late... KNS lor... go home lah... still keep slping... blea... so boring lor... dun like to pass the day without achieving something... argh...

chilDish ppl..!

2004-08-28T22:38:00.000-07:00

yOz..it's been a long time since i updated mi blog... haha... forget mi username... haiz... been a misery these months... lots of things happened... buzy ,amz... dun even have time to rest.. CCAs taking alot of time... sianz... projects toO..those stupid projects arh.. then there's still some childish people around... shouting in clz like for no reason... beating people with exercise books on the head... runnning about... and WORSE, laughing like a hyena... kaoz eh... project wise... actually is somebody be the director de... in the end pang seh us.... joined another grp... of cuz, we had to continue frm there and it was so rush tt we couldn't do it properly... in choir also.. people keep telling me this and that and as if they are the only ones who are troubled... a simple sorry also dunno how to say... then keep asking me how to say... sian 1/2.... sick and tired of everything manz.. also keep geting scolded for nth... feel like ending everything sometimes.... *died*

feel like crying...

2004-07-02T02:43:00.000-07:00

haiz... broke a mirror today and cut myself... quite a long cut and quite painful... things went bad... almost late for sch... tt wasn't the worst... the worst was the time when we met up... when he saw me, he only hinted to get on the train, there wasn't any smile... not even a 'hi'... at tt time, i tot is was because the train had cum and he didn't want to miss it, so i ignored it... but then on the train, he still didn't smile or say anything... i asked what happened, he said nothing... and looked away....it was like tt all the way home... he juz kept quiet, not a smile, not a word... i kept looking at him and gave him a happy look but, he juz stared at the floor... and not long after took down his specs... i tot maybe he was tired cuz his eyes like closing... but when i asked, he said he was not... though my hand was kinda numb holding his hand, i didn't let go... when walking, he was walking so fast tt i begin to have sitches at the side... but it was ok though it hurts... he gave me a sweet after saying bye... then, i felt so much like crying... i wanted to tell him so many things, but seeing him like tt, i tot it wasn't right... suddenly, the cut on my hand wasn't pain anymore... felt nothing when i was pricked by the glass while clearing up the mirror stuff... it seems tt his smile or laughter meant so much to me... i'm sorry if i did anything wrong...

crazy day

2004-07-01T03:20:00.000-07:00

haha... tot of a crazy idea for the fancy dress competition... acting as cupid... then they act as couples... haha... then he today so quiet again... tot he angry or what... sit there read storybook and listen to music...then when i lying on the table he suddenly oi me... so feirce... i tot he really angry lor... feel like crying manz... but never lah... then he is not angry de lor... haha... so stupid... then in the lift he suddenly carry me. haha. then when put me down tt time he almost fall then my specs drop. haha. so funny. :p

stupid test

2004-06-30T05:48:00.000-07:00

today the test so no time lorz... crazy one... so many questions... then during recess saw him... haha... then sit with us... mich sae we look alike or sth like tt de... haha... then after sch go back clz, he also there... then he scare me lor... haha... suddenly came from the back... the song during choir was nice, so much nicer than rythem of life. not sae the song not nice but then keep singing sian liao lor... haha... now waiting for the audition results... haiz... dun need to sae i fail le lor... haiz...

haiz...

2004-06-29T05:29:00.000-07:00

haiz... think that i made him angry again lor... maybe becuz last nite wu yuan wu gu shen qi... haiz... then today so quiet... rehersal tt time heard him from far keep saying the choir... haiz... ke lian them manz... today sum more so many things to do... sian 1/2...tomorrow have test, heard it is difficult... haiz... then he tomorrow also have exam, then he still haven't study... haiz... worry for him lorz... that's why today i a bit weird ba... haiz...

funny day

2004-06-18T12:41:00.000-07:00

today go melissa's hse to geog song... haha... then saw michelle on my way with him there... planning to scare her de... but then discovered by her... haha... then at melissa hse instead of doing the song,we keep talking... haha... saw the testimonial my dear wrote for me... really like complaining manz... aiyo... so start this blog lor... feel what then type what... then he can know... haha... simple ba... also listen to choir songs... singing also... cannot make it to the performance le... haiz...

hEy!!

2004-06-18T00:56:00.000-07:00

heyA!!! i did finish liao.. ermm.. actually is nt i do de.. is lunx modify de.. lolx.. hope u lyk it worz!!!! =)